


I'd be lost without my blogger

by SherlockiansFanFics (P0werToTheFandom)



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Anniversary of mary's death, Depressed John, Gen, POV Sherlock Holmes, Self-Harming John Watson, Sherlock just wants to help, Tea, Worried Sherlock, blogger john watson
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-11
Updated: 2019-10-11
Packaged: 2020-12-09 06:04:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20990060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/P0werToTheFandom/pseuds/SherlockiansFanFics
Summary: Sherlock comes home early from a case and finds John in his room doing something destructive.Trigger Warning: Self Harm





	I'd be lost without my blogger

John didn't feel well this morning, so I went to Scotland Yard without him. Lestrade said he had a case, all he really wanted was my brothers new number.

_I swear, if they get any more obvious I'll gage._

I walk into the flat I share with John Watson, my companion, and best friend.

Something feels wrong, John isn't in the kitchen, or the living room. I can't hear anything. 

_Perhaps, he's in his room._

I ascend the stair to John's room, avoiding creaky steps as not to wake him if he's resting.

"John." I whisper as I see him holding a lit cigarette lighter to his wrist. _Surely he's not doing what I think he's doing._

"Go away, Sherlock." John yells at me, closing the lighter and putting it in his pocket.

"No." I go into his room, closing the door behind me.

"Get out!" He is getting angrier. I look closer at his arm while he's busy yelling at me. There are older burns. _Oh god, he's been doing this for a while now._

"Why?" I take hold of his arm in an uninjured place and look him in the eye.

"Leave me alone." He jerks his arm from my grasp. 

"You hurt yourself." 

"Will you please leave me alone?" His voice raises.

"No, tell me why you did this." I refuse to back down. _Why would he do this?_

My mind traces back over the past few weeks, _John has been sadder, not leaving the flat unless he has too, Rosie has stayed with Molly or Mrs. _ _ Hudson more often than not. Could it be? No, I would have noticed sooner... all the signs point to it.  _

"It doesn't matter, now leave me alone!" I pushes me back. I catch myself against the wall.

"You're depressed, aren't you?" I question.

"Leave me alone." His tone changes from angry to defensive. "Sherlock, go bother someone else for a while, okay?"

"Why did you burn yourself?" I cannot fathom the pain he's in to take it out on himself.

"Leave me alone." More desperate than defensive now. _Could he be..._

"Tell me what's wrong." I practically beg.

"None of your bloody business." He hisses a me, tears in his eyes.

"John, are you depressed?"

"Go away." He turns his back to me, his voice breaking. "Leave me alone, Sherlock."

_ What do I do?_

I nod, and leave the room, closing the door gently behind me. 

_ I know how to make John feel better._

I rush into the kitchen and put on the kettle.

_ I'll make John some tea, maybe it will help._

Once I finish the tea I carry it to John's room and see him crying.

_ How do I fix this?_

_ Could I have hurt his feelings in some manner?_

I think back over the past few days and can't think of anything that could have hurt him so deeply that he would do this.

_ Why did he do this?_

Then it hits me.

_ Today is the anniversary of Mary's death._

"Here." I set the tea down on John's desk next to his bed.

"Leave me alone." He wipes tears from his face, but as quickly as they leave they're replaced by more.

"John, I'm so sorry." I sit down on his bed next to him.

"Go away." He urges me to leave.

"It's alright." I hesitantly put a hand on his shoulder.

"No it's not alright!" He looks at me sadness and rage blazing in his eyes and over his face. "It's not alright!"

"No, it's not." I take a deep breath. "But it is what it is."

"Why did she-." He presses his lips together and shakes his head holding back more tears. "Why did she have to leave me?"

"Everyone has their time, and she had reach hers." I try to think of comforting words.

"I wish to god he'd taken me, not her." He buries his face in his hands, his body shaking with silent sobs. 

"You know that I don't believe that there is a... god..." I struggle to put my thoughts into words for once. "But, I believe that if there is one, he knew that Rosie needs you, and that I'd be lost without my blogger."

"Mary was better at cases than me, she was Rosie's mother." His words are muffled by his hands. "Why didn't he take me instead?"

"Your work is not done." I don't know how to make him feel better. Intellectually, I know that I cannot make things better... but some part of me wants to make it better.

"Go away." He turns away from me.

Unsure how to help him, I just rest a hand on his shoulder and stay with him as silent support. Maybe It will help...

What feels like hours passes before John so much as moves. When he does, he turns to me, eyes red and bloodshot from crying.

"Sherlock..." His voice shakes. "Thank you for making me tea."

He doesn't move to take it, but that's okay.

"You're welcome." I smile at him.

"To answer your question from earlier... yes." John looks away, as if ashamed.

"How can I help?" I would give my life just to simply save him from himself.

"There's nothing to be done." 

_ I could ask for the lighter..._

_ That would cause him to become more secretive, and more creative with self harming himself._

_ I could ask him to see a doctor, but that would be an hypocritical move. _

"John, I don't have friends, other than you, I don't know how to help you." He looks back to me as I speak to him. "But, I will do anything within my power to help."

"Yeah, thanks." He sniffles.

"Please don't hurt yourself anymore." I feel tears in my eyes now, but fight them back. "Take your feeling out on me, wreck my experiments, burn down our flat if you must, but don't hurt yourself."

_ Maybe taking his feelings out on me or anything other than himself will help. I do hope he doesn't burn down our flat though, but if he must I hope he does so in good taste and at least gets out before it goes up in flames. _

"Why are you doing this?" He seems surprised, but still upset.

"Because," I smile fondly at the blond. "I'd be lost without my blogger."


End file.
